A few years ago, I met a Japanese chef, who is still a friend to this day. This fellow was (and is) a brilliant chef. We met while working together in an ill fated Japanese/Western fusion restaurant that opened exactly at the moment that SARS hit Toronto. Throw in a bad basement location and you have a recipe for a financial bleeding that is only stemmed when the owner says enough, which he eventually did.
I have worked in a lot of high end restaurants in my day, but I was particularly taken by the gentle nature of this head chef, and how he lead by quiet example There was no screaming in his kitchen and an air of respect prevailed, it was very refreshing when compared with some of the angry Diva Prima Donnas that I had to deal with at times ( other exceptions Chef Sam Gassira and the whole crew at Bellini's , most of whom were from Bangladesh)
Later this chef and I became roomates for a couple of years. I began to realise that the source of his demeanour was not just the famous politeness of Japanese culture, nor was it the Bhuddist teachings of his upbringing.
He had found something deeper within himself that informed his identity. He had come to the realisation that anger was nothing but a useless cancer. While it is one thing to know that, it is quite another to live it.
I am slowly learning to realise that the source of my anger is my own inability to communicate to others small annoyances, which I then let fester silently over time until they become outbursts.
Another universal aspect of anger is exaggeration. When we are in anger, we exaggerate the level of offence being committed against us, so as to justify our response.
As an example, lets say that you are driving down the highway and someone cuts you off, causing you to have to hit the brakes unexpectedly. While this is a dangerous situation, when you tell someone you will exaggerate it to justify your anger.
You will not tell your story thusly, "another person dangerously cut me off on the freeway, which caused me to slow down in an unsafe fashion".
You are far more likely to say "some asshole cut me off and almost killed me!". This makes for a better story, and also justifies your anger at the fact that someone has acted with little regard for others (in this case the "others" being you).
All of which brings me to this appalling story in the Toronto Star.
Henry Stancu
Staff Reporter
A cyclist was killed last night after hanging onto a fleeing car following a collision on Bloor St. near Bay St.
Toronto police arrested a driver after the car was seen pulling into the Park Hyatt hotel on Avenue Rd.
Witnesses told police the cyclist collided with a black Saab on Bloor at Bay about 9:45 p.m. They said he hung onto the driver's side of the car, which had its convertible top down, while the driver yelled at him to get off.
The driver then veered onto the eastbound lanes and mounted the curb, brushing against trees and poles, witnesses said.
"He was driving on the wrong side of the street and up on the curb trying to knock him off the car for about 100 metres, said Ryan Brazeau, a worker with a crew laying sewer pipes on Bloor. "Lots of people were watching and they couldn't believe what was happening."
As the car approached Avenue Rd., the cyclist fell off. He and his bike were dragged before he was run over by the rear wheels.
He was taken to St. Michael's Hospital with severe head injuries. (Note He later died of his injuries)
Two things shocked me about this story.
The first is the fact that some minor traffic quibble could have such tragic consequences.
The second is that the guy driving the vehicle is Michael Bryant, the former Attorney-General of Ontario, and current head of InvestToronto, a city run agency to promote investment in the city.
Nice work, gentlemen. Your stupid anger has left one of you dead and the other with a stellar career and life in ruins. I suspect that Mr. Bryant is feeling even more awful than I do when I get angry, as he sits in jail awaiting bail.
Its not worth it, and let this cautionary tale be a lesson to all of us as we navigate our day to day lives in these urban environs.
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