GET THE F**K OUT NOW!

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When I have a night off, I will sneak out after midnight to my local for a pint or two. (ahem) When last call comes I do not question the time, I pay my bill immediately and I vacate the premises before the bartender tells me to finish my drink.

Its called courtesy, respect, etiquette. It is something I learned from my Mom.

Oddly, I find it to be in short supply when I am behind the bar.

I work in a really nice little bar. I work with extraordinary people overseen by an exquisite lady. Our little joint is popular and for that I am truly grateful.

We stay open late, so we tend to get a little rush at last call. And make no mistake, 99.9% of our customers are awesome people, including those that I had to yell at tonight.

Maybe it is just me and my crankiness. I've worked a lot lately (my choice) and recently survived The Taste Of  The Danforth,  the largest neighbourhood festival in this country.

As I walked in tonight I had high hopes for a mellow affair, but the first dagger was a party of twenty booked in for 10pm on a Sunday night. (seriously, are you kidding me) The equally disgruntled Miss Jocund and myself managed to get through that.

I was granted permission to give last call a bit early, in the vain hope that this might clear the desperadoes. But it was not to be, and I can't tell you how much I enjoy begging people to finish their drinks night after night after night.

Even more fun is begging them to leave the premises twenty minutes after I have removed their drinks.

Night after night after night.

And just to top things off was the dork who climbed the fence to join his friends on the patio at 3 am Monday morning.

So let me give you people a little primer on how life works if I am giving you last call.

• There is only one last call. You may not run to the bar at 1:59:30 and order eight B52's. I gave you the opporunity, you didn't take it, now you can suck me off.
• When you get your bill pay it immediately. It would be nice if we could cash out.
• When I tell you that you have five minutes to finish, I mean it. Our liquor license is sacrosanct, and I do not relish the thought of telling my colleagues and my boss that the reason we have to close for a week is due to my negligence. And yes, the inspectors have pulled in at 3am.
• After your drink is removed at 2:45 am, you should vacate within five minutes. If you don't, you are a complete douchebag.

Get it? Got it? Good.

Are you people so bereft of ideas that you must cling on to hanging out in some bar until the last possible minute, night after night after night? Don't waste your breath, cos I already know the answer, and it saddens me.

Unfortunately, my mother didn't raise everybody.

I thank you so much  for your cooperation in this matter and  I look forward to serving you in the future. But right now I would appreciate it if you could show a modicum of respect for the business, the lady who owns it, and the staff who run it.

http://www.goyestoeverything.com