Wow, We Really Are Truly Powerless

What the fuck is wrong with people? Have we so disempowered ourselves and relinquished control of our lives to others that we are incapable of dealing with the most basic of problems without calling our Mommy and or Daddy to bail us out?

To wit, I submit my experience last Sunday.

Now, I will be the first to admit that I keep weird hours, but I woke up so late last Sunday that I weirded myself out. When I saw the time, I let out a gasp. Nonetheless, duty called, and one must deal with the ramifications of one's own debauchery..

So I get up, throw the coffee on and jump towards the shower. I throw on the hot water and wait for the warmth. And wait. And wait. And wait.

It never comes, and I stand there like a naked Charlie Brown waiting for Lucy to bring the football back. Perfect. I grit my teeth and stand in a shower that is cold enough to make Costanza and his swim in the pool seem like a hot tub.

Luckily enough for me, I'm not getting any so it doesn't really matter.

However, I am pretty addicted to ready access to hot water, so while I am prepared to deal with this problem in the "short" term, the "long" term prospects are frightening.

I live above a bar, and I know the hot water is in the basement, but I am dealing with major shrinkage, sucking back coffee and launching a failed attempt to show up at work trying to look like a well adjusted human being. I pride myself on being objective and I know that all hope of maintaining my self created illusions are slipping away.

So I head downstairs to the busy bar, shrunken schlong in tow. I ask them to check the breakers, mention that I'm off to work, and there is no rush. The bar is busy, and the prospect of my living in a future state of permanent shrinkage is not a high priority. I can respect that.

So it comes as little surprise that nothing has been done when I return from my shift. However, my downstairs neighbours are nice people, and they let me down to their basement to look at the breakers.

And Jiminy Crickets, ya know what, one of those breakers had flipped over! Gollllleeeee that seems to be a huge problem for some people. Say what you will about Redneck Cleetus and his toothless existence, he at least would have known to flip the breaker.

I thank God I remember that "One of these things is not like the other" thing from Sesame Street. I flip the switch over, the water warms up.

But your average useless Torontonian cries help at the first sign of adversity. Which is why my landlord called the next morning about this "emergency". Apparently my neighbours first reaction was to call my landlord. My first reaction was to try and fix the problem, or at least find out why there was a problem.

I like my landlords. They are actually very nice people, but the panic button should never be the first choice. The next thing I know I get an email requesting detailed information about what I did.

Apparently Hydro workers are now involved, and they are claiming that they fixed the problem.

I'm no handyman, and I don't claim to be one, but I am capable of at least looking into a problem without requiring permission to do so. And yes, when I see a row of circuit breaker switches all leaning to the left, but for one, I think I know whats going on.

But no, my neighbours have to email my landlord in a panic and my landlord must call in an electrician.

ITS A FUCKING CIRCUIT BREAKER.

Helplessness is one thing, uselessness is quite another.

Even I know that.

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