Ghana Travel Tips For Obama

Dear Barry,

Great to see that you are going to Ghana. It is a beautiful country filled with wonderful people. I know it is your first visit so here are a few travel tips.

In Ghana, your name is based on the day of the week you were born, so while there don't be surprised if people refer to you as Kwaku Obama.

Dude, always negotiate the price before you get in the cab.

Seriously, you will have a lot of very charming and beautiful women asking about your marital status. Be prepared, and don't go all Bill Clinton on us. Lets face it, you're already doing better than most of us with Michelle, don't get greedy.

If you're dining outdoors, watch out for the baboons, they might steal your ketchup.

Watch out for the open sewers, America is already up to its waist in shit.

I know that you are going to Cape Coast Castle. It was the most profound stop on my trip, and I know you will be deeply moved by it also. But do yourself a favour and walk around the city. If you get the chance go to a soccer game broadcast at the local theatre. Entry is about 40 cents and well worth the price.

Stay away from the Herb Afrik gin bitters. I didn't and it cost me a day.

When in Accra, stay at The Paloma Hotel. It is well suited to these tough economic times and reflects prudent use of taxpayer money in The Age of The Bailout. Comfort without opulence.

If you want to know what is really going on in Ghana, get on a Tro Tro. Don't worry too much about the destination, it is the ride that counts.

If you want to do some souvenier shopping head to the Kejetia Market in Kumasi. Mention my name, they'll take good care of you.

I know that the US is seeking better relations with the Muslim world. A visit to Larabanga, home to the oldest mosque in West Africa might help. The people there are exceptionally welcoming and beautiful.

And lastly, tip well. Most of the people there work very hard for very little, and they deserve so much better. Maybe you can help them?

Have a great trip and remember either drink Palm wine or smoke, but don't do both, it'll mess you up.