If Shakespeare Wrote About Hockey

Image by Getty Images via @daylife
 I don't blog about sports much, but I figure this is a blogable moment.

In 1972 my family moved from Calgary, Alberta to Vancouver, British Columbia. When I found out that Vancouver had an NHL team, my six year old brain new I had hit the big time, and I've been a loyal fan ever since.

We made it to the finals twice, but couldn't close the deal.

In 2009, we made the playoffs, but lost to the Chicago Blackhawks.

In 2010, we made the playoffs, but lost to the Chicago Blackhawks. Chicago went on to win their first Stanley Cup in decades. Vancouver golfed early, but made key changes, in the hopes of beating Chicago.

In 2011, the Vancouver Canucks had their best regular season in franchise history, finishing atop the league. On the last day of the season, Chicago backed into the playoffs when Dallas failed to beat Minnesota, once again lining Vancouver up against their old nemesis.

OMG, not again. And early on, there was little to fret about. My beloved Canucks went up 3-0 in three close games. In the next two games they looked flat and were demolished by a combined score of twelve to two.

In game six in Chicago, Vancouver stunned everyone by starting rookie backup goalie Cory Schneider over franchise player Roberto Luongo. The Canucks and Schneider played better, but a key giveaway and a penalty shot goal by the rookie tender make the difference.

And in another operatic twist, Schneider cramps up on the penalty shot, and is replaced in goal by franchise player Roberto Luongo.

The Canucks lose in OT 4-3, and now its 3-3, with one game left to play in VanCity and I've got this same sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, like a three year old ulcer that won't go away.

My Vancouver Canucks are on the verge of what could arguably be the worst collapse in the history of sport, a shame so epic that only a future championship could eradicate these goat horns.

One game for all the marbles. One game to slay the dragon.



Vancouver scores in the first three minutes and dominates the rest of the game, but can't put the game away as Chicago goalie Corey Crawford stands on his head. With less than two minutes left Chicago scores shorthanded to tie the game 1-1, and I begin to feel sick to my stomach.

And so we go to an overtime that could scar my Vancouver Canucks for decades, and I start to contemplate what kind of fuel would be best for an old fashioned jersey burning.





Aaaah, never mind, I knew they'd win all along.

http://www.goyestoeverything.com

Dog......meet Pony....Its showtime.

As of this writing we are in the midst of an election in Canada. I am sure of this because my television is rife with a bunch of  overpaid and overweight white balding men aided by young blonde women in tight tops telling me that if I  don't vote for the correct party, the world will surely end.

Now I've had the opportunity to spend some time in a few countries where the notion of democracy is obscure at best, and I hate to pull the rug out from the rest of you stupid, bloated, spoiled, self important, bleak, dreary motherfuckers, who live in Canada under the illusion that because you put an X beside a box every few years,that you live in a democracy.

At least the people in Syria are aware that they have no freedom, you people remain clueless.

And can anyone tell me about a specific incident involving the government that actually had a significant impact on your day to day life? Seriously, anyone?....Yeah, I didn't think so.

So bleat on over your roast beef in your dining room next to the sport utes in your garage and overlooking the golf course, about how awful life would be if party X got elected and support the lies that you tell yourself about the pointless and deluded life that you and your ilk live each day.

And most importantly, make sure you get out and vote on May 2nd.

Your delusion counts.


http://www.goyestoeverything.com